Blinking Gaara

Keyboard bashing times!

vbghy7u6y7uu7j8y6hh8jilk90pojh6j87yilk90op-[;9i7uj8y6hi90op-0po9i7yu86hrth7u68irgsrghytfrjewf4awyewge5srt4qwy32t.ikusfj/lkj3gikulxfyk,jxlkvxbrfkjcujlikhgfdA,mfdznxdyt nnrlkjprtjik-[oikj
[g;Ltjk[gyv,ry6[phk
[pjk6
[pk
[p6krdypon5 .loireghlobl.reo hughre9w4hy942q3oytg9ouzsbn.mn.kjbkjhoip;5;bzs9ohsep0oiryuzshlofwabliubyh0pbirhtpi904ypv9ohb0piyu;lijosfhl;shvgo;iyux;90u5awgrs
jskgjrjh zsfiulhlosfhyofiyugfui9yrur87t408t5yusadi9yug 50p9u 4w[-90wikfjlhadpojcieosfifuhsfde;ofjh'po h420p 9fh 428yur[908 13]-031eu5[90-n8vu5[9-3r7r907yu0-[93r-90 0oiwut[09hujpoirejhgoijg[ipgrj0ogiuj9ut095jhoriugpokjvpoieujhgf0i90ujhpovcnfsdo;ifd3uio;eu[goigwujgipoetsujhgipo

Feel much better now
  • Current Music
    Animal I've become
iDon

things my ebberon party cannot do -SHORT-

2373. The ship is not a Zig, Nor shall it be moved in a manner denoting this.
2374. Being a Ranger and having the power attack feat does not make you a power Ranger.
2375. Even if you have the suit.
2555: Your Warforged ally's name is not Big O, it is not nessecary to scream SHOWTIME! every time he attacks.
2556: Members of House Deneith who take levels in the Renegade Mastermaker prestige class shall not be referred to as Robocop.
2557: This title is reserved for members of the Sharn watch who take them.
2558: It is somehow right and noble to tell the warforged this.
Blinking Gaara

heres another one

unfortunately, I had to do the test again and I finally got the result i wanted. I had to lie about most of the answers, but i got hinata.

naruto
Which Naruto Character Are You?
Test by naruto - kun.com


started drawing wht I would look like in the world of naruto. For story reasons, the village hidden in the ether is filled with powerful summoners, with the clan that (technically) rules having the ability to summon what my character calls "pocket monsters" because the summoning scrolls can fit into a normal pocket. my character has a favorite summon called He Who Haunts. He Who Haunts looks like a shiny haunter (blue energy around the hand rather than red) with gaaras eyes (racoon eyes lined with red).

maybe if some people will comment, I might detail the story about the allinace between the villages hidden in the leaves and the village hidden in the ether. particularly the alliance between hinata and my character ;)
  • Current Mood
    artistic artistic
iDon

piece of advice from naruto

One does not simply learn drunken fist
One IS a drunken fist from the day you are born

from wikipedias taijutsu page
Drunken Fist
* Name: Suiken, ??, literally "Drunken Fist"
* Type: C-rank, Offensive, Defensive, Short range (0-5m)
* Users: Rock Lee

This unusual style of combat can't be learned or taught. It only occurs naturally, and requires the user to be drunk. Decent skill in some form of combat may also be helpful. Once the former condition is met, the user becomes an unpredictable fighter seemingly unable to discern friend from foe. Lee is particularly talented in this form of combat, hence his sensei's concern whenever he learns that Lee may be exposed to alcohol. The unpredictability combined with Lee's formidable taijutsu skills makes him a force to be reckoned with. Kimimaro Kaguya was only able to hold Lee off by partially activating his cursed seal.

Drunken Fist is based on the 8 Immortals Zui Quan style of Chinese martial arts. In the actual martial art, however, intoxication is not a factor; rather, the 'drunken' movements are used to confuse opponents.
iDon

Suggestion

if you want to know what dwarven bards sing, go to your filesharing program, type in Rammstein and look for a song called "ich will". to me, it sounds like what dwarfen bards would perform before battle to drive the fighters into a blood frenzy. plenty of electric guitar and drums, all in german. for some reason, german sounds like dwarvish.

Here are the lyrics for ich will, both in english and german

Ich will

Ich will dass ihr mir vertraut
Ich will dass ihr mir glaubt
Ich will eure Blicke spüren
Ich will jeden Herzschlag kontrollieren

Ich will eure Stimmen hören
Ich will die Ruhe stören
Ich will dass ihr mich gut seht
Ich will dass ihr mich versteht

Ich will eure Phantasie
Ich will eure Energie
Ich will eure Hände sehen
Ich will in Beifall untergehen

Seht ihr mich?
Versteht ihr mich?
Fühlt ihr mich?
Hört ihr mich?
Könnt ihr mich hören?
Wir hören dich
Könnt ihr mich sehen?
Wir sehen dich
Könnt ihr mich fühlen?
Wir fühlen dich
Ich versteh euch nicht

Ich will

Wir wollen dass ihr uns vertraut
Wir wollen dass ihr uns alles glaubt
Wir wollen eure Hände sehen
Wir wollen in Beifall untergehen - ja

Könnt ihr mich hören?
Wir hören dich
Könnt ihr mich sehen?
Wir sehen dich
Könnt ihr mich fühlen?
Wir fühlen dich
Ich versteh euch nicht

Könnt ihr uns hören?
Wir hören euch
Könnt ihr uns sehen?
Wir sehen euch
Könnt ihr uns fühlen?
Wir fühlen euch
Wir verstehen euch nicht

Ich will


I want

I want you to trust me
I want you to believe me
I want to feel your eyes
I want to control every heartbeat

I want to hear your voices
I want to disturb the peace
I want you to see me well
I want you to understand me

I want your fantasy
I want your energy
I want to see your hands
I want to go down in applause

Do you see me?
Do you understand me?
Do you feel me?
Do you hear me?
Can you hear me?
We hear you
Can you see me?
We see you
Can you feel me?
We feel you
I don't understand you

I want

We want you to trust us
We want you to believe everything from us
We want to see your hands
We want to go down in applause - yeah

Can you hear me?
We hear you
Can you see me?
We see you
Can you feel me?
We feel you
I don't understand you

Can you hear us?
We hear you
Can you see us?
We see you
Can you feel us?
We feel you
We don't understand you

I want
  • Current Music
    "Ich will"
iDon

things the worst Ebberon party are not allowed to do, part 4

1408: The warforged's animal companion is not a construct dog called K9
1409: Success is not measured in Vol-au-vonts
1410: Even if the ambassador's party covers our food need for months
1411: There is a limit to how much weight the cleric can carry
1412: Ancient temples exceed this limit.
413: Especially if they were built by giants
1414: People in Sharn do not "just pee off the walkways"
1415: This is not an explanation of why it's always raining there
1416: No warforged bard or aristocrat is allowed to be "fluent in more than six forms of communication"
1417. You are not to plunge an airship filled with explosive powder with a +5 holy lance as its prow at full throttle into anything, ever
1418. Especially not King Kaius' royal suite.
1419. Even if he is a Nazi.
1420. No matter how much the big scary lizard men insist it is honourable for a great warrior, you will not eat the cooked body of the dead Shifter Silver Flame cleric after his death in a massive battle over land in Xen'drik
1421. Even if you drunken captain threatens to make you walk the plank if you don't.
1422 Just because the Wizard wears a pointy hat does not mean he "know this dude named Gandalf".
1423 or Belgarath.
1424 or Rincewind.
1425 or especially not Elminster.
1426. The Warforged is not to flail his arms and shout "Danger! Danger!"
1427. Even if there is danger.
1428. When we meet the cleric of the Silver Flame, leave the pea soup on the ship. And stop hissing and cowering when you see his holy symbol.
1429. It is never a good idea to throw you employer off a mountain.
1430. Even if the job was more difficult than anticipated and kills many friends/co-adventurers
1431. Wilting celery is not an indication you are in a hazardous environment.
1432. OK, maybe it is, non-wilting celery does not mean the atmosphere is safe though.
1433 The warforged may disregard the last two items.
1434. Dragon hearts are not crystalline
1435. They are not required to power warforged titans.
1436. Anyone even thinking about trying to prove or disprove this will be keelhauled.
1437. Warforged titans are not battery powered.
1438. Warforged titans can fight for more than five minutes.
1439. Warforged titans are niether sentient nor piloted. They are only slightly smarter than golems.
1440. Anyone disturbing warforged titans will be left behind.
1441. The mark on the warforged brow cannot be removed.
1442. Even if it could it would not destroy it.
1443. So stop threatening it with an erase spell.
1444. Repeat after me. No one on this ship is batman, not even the glidewing shifter.
1445. Just because the dragons of Eberron on not the normal big treasure holding monsters does not mean they won't eat you if you annoy them.
1446. You are not a "Caped Crusader" if you happen to Crusade and wear a cape.
1447. It is not a utility belt if you happen to carry a bunch of gadgets that are useful around your waist.
1448. You are not the "Dark Knight" if you happen to wear black armor.
1449. Giving the King's Citadel a Continual light spell before an image of the Ship is neither cool nor advisable. Even if it does make an interesting signal for our help.
1450. A lightning couch spraypainted black and armed with weapons is not the Batmobile.
1451. It is not funny or interesting if all of you had your parents gunned down in a filthy alley before your eyes to inspire this quest.
1452. Kidnapping street orphans to train as sidekicks will likely get them killed.
1453. It is a BOOM-erang.
1454. Sharns' nickname is not "Gotham", even if it does have Gothic architecture.
1455. It is neither nifty nor fun to build your mansion over a cave to hide your vast array of tricks and crime laboratories.
1456. Marish is not to be referred to as Catwoman, even if she is a shifter thief.
1457. Queen Aurala's portly brother is NOT the Penguin.
1458. King Kaius may have a hot and sexy daughter and be out to purge the world but he is not Ra's Al Ghul.
1459. You cannot name the warforged Alfred and make him your butler.
1460. It is wrong even if the warforged agrees.
1461. King Boranal's brother who runs the Citadel is not "Comissioner Gordon."
1462. Even if his daughter is a redhead and fights crime with us.
1463. Making the sails like Batwings and painting the ship black does not make it the Batplane.
1464. Frank Miller will not do the comic adaptation of our lives.
1465. Sadly Keith Griffen will.
1466. Locking up all of our crazy villains in an asylum we pay for and name Gotham STILL doesn't make you Batman.
1467. Dressing up in a costume to attack muggers on rooftops randomly will not be the setup for them saying "What are you..."
1468. No matter how many times you try it.
1469. Do not encourage the wizard to cast illusions of balloons that say "Bomph", "Bamph", "SLAM" with every hit you make.
1470. We will not get a dimensional portal to kill Joel Schumacher for ruining the story.
1471. Scratch 1470, I'm willing to give you some leeway in this one.
1472. Making riddles in the sky with the airship so we can pretend the villain left them is stupid not adding mystique.
1473. The Chain of Command is a system of determining authority, not the chain you use to beat your unwilling subordinates until they realise who's in ruttin' command.
1426. No, the artifacer cannot imbue your tooth brush with 'sonicare' energy.
1427. The Hymn to Onatar is not "Amazing Wrench".
1428. Nor is it "Hammer time".
1429. Singing or dancing to either tune will get you flogged.
1430. Especially dancing to either tune.
1431. The proper way to ask for healing is not "YO, cleric! Beer me!"
1432. Khyber does not take the form of David Bowie.
1433. All of Eberron would unite to slay him if he did.
1434. Knowing all the cold-bases spells in existance does NOT make you Mr.Freeze.
1435. YOU ARE STILL NOT BATMAN!!
1436. You also weigh a little more than 108.
1437. The Mockery is not also known as 'Joker'.
1438. You are not allowed to stack a Deck of Many Things.
1439. The warforged is NOT to be lubed with molasses.
1440. Even if it does make him move faster.
1441. Having parts left over when you fix the warforged is probably a bad thing.
1442. The airship does not have afterburners.
1443. You are not allowed to air-bomb the Eldeen Reaches with cat nip to "chill out the shifters."
1444. Maximized, Heightened, Empowered Rays of Frost are just plain stupid.
1446. New crew members are not nOObs.
1447. The paladin chick will not 'loosen up after a few beers'.
1448. The bard is not a member in good standing of the Fraternity Tappa Kegga Brew.
1449. So stop asking him to tappa kegga brew.
1450. We dont have a wine cellar.
1451. We dont have a 5 star galley, either.
1473. The Mror Holds is not the location of the Mines of Mroria.
1474. Orcs and goblins are two seperate critters.
1475. But they are not as pathetic as Kobolds.
1476. Its pronounced 'Eye-gore'.
1477. It isnt Frooderick Frankunsteen. Its Frederick.
1478. Nazareth's "Hair of the dog" is not your theme song.
1479. Unless you are the Lord of Blades.
1480. Despite what you may have heard, 42 IS the Ultimate Answer.
1481. The captains brain does not run on citrus fruit.
1482. Despite what you may have heard, the name of the ships crew is not 'Certain Death'.
1483. Spam isnt a weapon of mass distruction.
1484. I should not tell the warforged this.
1485. Your seat cushon does not double as a floatation device.
1486. Neither does the gnome.
1498. I don't care how old yer halfling is he isn't wearing depends of holding!
1499. And no the articifer can't make him any!
1500. And no one at any time, any where, drink the warm, frothy, beer on the table in front of said halfling...its not beer!
1501. never put the 120 year old halfling on guard duty!
1502. Especially by himself or with a cranky barbarian!
1503. Re: 1486. It is wrong to tell warforged otherwise.
1503. We will not make Metal Gear units to take over the world.
1504. My name is not Snake Eater.
1505. Solid Snake is not a reference to my genitalia.
1506. Nor can I pretend it is.
1507. We will not boast that we have 90% mortality rate.
1508. Not even to necromancers.
1509. We will not sell the dead to necromacers.
1510. Especially not King Kaius.
1511. The artifacer does not need to use empty beer cans to repair the warforged.
1512. We told you to do that BEFORE we left.
1513. No, we will not get fly-through.
1514. Any members of House Sivis are not to wander around, saying "Can you hear me now? Good."
1515. No, you can not have the last slice of pizza.
1516. Or the last beer, for that matter.
1517. The captain gets those.
1518. Unless it is bitter.
1519. Or weak.
1520. Or made on the plane of radiance.
1521. The Kalashtar Soulknife is not allowed to claim that his silver coloured soulknife is a piece of the Silver Flame.
1522. It is wrong to tell Silver Flame worshipers this.
1523. :censored:
1524. Am I understood?
1525. You are especially to never tell this to Jaela. (Thanks to Lup1n3)
1526. If you do you will be keelhauled by the crew, until my ship gets tired.
1527. Being a ranger on my airship does not make you an Airborne Ranger.
1528. Nor does it mean you can sing cadences all day and night.
1529. The next person who shouts "Oohrah!" on this ship gets tossed over the side.
1530. There is always time for love.
1531. Stop calling me Dr. Jones.
1532. Whaddaya mean there's no pilot?!
1533. It belongs in a museum!
1534. Ah, who am I kidding. Let's divvy up the loot.
1535. No, you can not steal his pants.
1536. The staff is mine.
1537. New regulation. Phobias are not to be treated by punching the affected in the head.
1538. Ever.
1539. Telling the watch to cast an illusion spell of a bat silhouette over the towers of Sharn does not make you Batman.
1540. Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do it.
1541: You are not to tell your stupid, big-ass fighter that there was an order of noble, feared, powerful knights called "The Knights of Suck-ee-Nam-Nam", and make him admire them so much, that he begins wearing their signature outfit consisting of a Napoleon-style, yellow hat, purple silk tabard, gigantic light-green puff-pants and knee-high blue leather boots.
1542: Even if there was such an order of (obviously colorblind) knights
1543. Crew members are to refrain from sticking a note to the Captain's back reading "Kiss my big fiery ring"...
1544. Especially the morning after Ship's Chilli Night.
1545. Crew are to cease petitioning the Captain to rename the ship the Enola Gay just because the Wizard can now cast Meteor Swarm.
1546. No we won't be mounting an expedition into the Keeper's lair to "liberate" his horse Binky
1543: You will not sell "Pontiff porn"
1544: ...unless it makes a really good profit
1545: You cannot find the Rajahs' location by tracing Darjeeling exports
1546: Aundarian spies do not say "Lizzen very carefullee I zhall say zis only once"
1547: even if they will
1548: The Karnathi are not looking for the painting of Tira Mirron with the big boobies
1549: But keep it hidden just in case
1550: The Emerald Claw leader is not watching multiple illusions of you, and never says "I'll get you next time Forgotten Freedom! Next time!"
1551: You will not start a strip joint called the "Emerald Claw"
1552: You are neither vengeance nor the night
1553: The wand of summoning nature's ally that summons whales does not make the ship go any faster
1554: Neither should it be used to "feed those poor starving Talentans"
1555: Jaela does not offer to help turn gay people
1556: Except undead ones, obviously
1557. This ship does not have an Improbablity Drive.
1558. And you cant dare the artifacer to make one.
1559. Despite his claims to the contrary, the ships captain is not President of the Universe
1560. The proper way to handle posessed people is not 300 cc's of Thorazine.
1561. No, the pilot isnt drunk.
1562. At least, we hope he isnt drunk.
1563. You may not do a Tounch-N-Go landing with the airship.
1564. Stop sending love letters to Jaela marked "Open when you are legal."
1565. You dont have 'first dibbs' on her, either.
1566. Though shalt not use the warforged barbarians +5 Flaming Shocking Burst Vorpal Greatsword of Speed to butter your toast.
1567. Its just not right.
1568. Because its named the Silver Flame, doesnt mean it came in second.
1569. So stop telling that to Silver Flame worshippers.
1557: Do not tell the Minotaur that he can practice juggling with the halfling.
1558: Or the gnome
1559: Kobolds are ok though
1560: You cannot name you shifter Liono
1561: And you sword is not the Eye of Thundara
1562: The Atrificer will not make you one.
1563. Our origin was not chronicled in "The History of the World Part I" as a counting house that rebelled and killed it's managers to sack walstreet.
1564. That's my story and I'm sticking too it.
1565. Flying across the edge of the map will not make us fly into the campaign setting handbook.
1566. Being Sky Pirates is not to be described "A lot like Star Wars except it's not in Space and doesn't involve fighting an Empire."
1567. No casting Enlarge on any extremities.
1568. Especially THOSE.
1569. Valenar Druid elven girls are not to be called "Deedlit"
1570. Would be paladins are not to be called "Parn."
1571. Do not cast enlarge on Elven ears so they look like anime elves. That's the equivalent of porno actresses for them.
1572. We will not try to use magiscience to create flying burning sharks to ride.
1573. Do not use illusions to give our ship motion blur.
1574. Warforged are not to be encouraged to adopt a female personality.
1575. The monk is forbidden from spouting wisdom by simply giving a statement then reversing it.
1576. For example. "For a warforged to become a human,he must first be human that becomes a warforged."
1577. "For the deck to be swabbed, the swabbed must be the deck."
1578. I do not appreciate one day just randomly waking up and the Boat has adopted a 70s Disco theme.
1579. You may not hang a mini disco ball in the controll room.
1580. Fuzzy dice are okay.
1581. Do not ask the female shifter barbarian if shes 'put on a little weight'.
1582. We are not a bus, and we will not be back in 20 minutes.
1583. Our ship does not have the outline of a.......Winnebago.
1584. Look, I already said no to the codpiece of holding. Unless you want a jockstrap of devouring instead, drop it.
1585. No, you can't have one for practical jokes! That was a threat, dammit!
1586. Boasting about the size of your ECL is not a good way to get chicks.
1589. I will not dress up as Santa to get Jaela to sit in my lap.
1590. Or in General.
1591. We will not head to the North Pole to find a lost tribe of Elves enslaved to an immortal druid.
1592. We need the huge amounts of coal he leaves us every year to power the ship.
1593. The warforged cannot crush coal into diamonds.
1594. No, the warforged cannot be given a cape of flying
1595. Painting him blue and red does not make him anymore "Super."
1596. It is wrong to tell him that regular Dragonshards weaken him, Siberys dragonshards remove his powers entirely, and Khyber Shards turn him evil.
1597. He is NOT the last survivor of a race of warforged from another planet!
1598. That Jaela has a 21 Charisma is not an excuse for all this.
1599. Queen Aurala's brother is not to be called "Fatty McGaylord."
1600. It's insulting to homosexuals to be compared with the tubby Lord chancellor that's why.
1601. Is not a Neil Gaiman comic.
1602. Is a very bad parody of a Neil Gaiman comic.
1603. When we kidnap Queen Aurala we will not sell her for "magic beans"
1604. The National sport of Aundair is not Quidditch.
1605. The Arcane Congress is not a democratically elected form of government.
1606. I will not run for it.
1607. Not even on the platform of less work for more money.
1608. I am not a Number.
1609. Leaving the ship will not be accompanied by the monologue "I will not make any deals with you. I've resigned. I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own. I resign."
1610. Do not give Numbers to crew new members.
1611. We do not Press anyone into service on the ship (usually)
1612. Especially not by gassing them and giving this speech when they wake up
Recruit: "Where am I?"
Pirates: "In the Village."
Recruit: "What do you want?"
Pirates: "Information. We want...information"
1613. You won't get it.
1614. Even if you insist by hook or by crook, you will.
1615. The first mate will not be referred to as "Number Two."
1616. I AM NUMBER ONE! Stop demanding to know who I am!
1617. Queen Aurala is not "Queen Amidala if she grew up to be a real frosty ****."
1618. Painting targets on the ship for the authorities when you're cross about your pay is not appreciated.
1619. The Captain's quarters is not the bathroom.
1620. Nor is the first mates.
1621. Do not fish for people over the side of the boat.
1622. Even in Aundair.
1623. A black tie dinner doesn't mean you show up naked but for a tie.
1624. We were attending a peace agreement with Aundair, it is counterproductive to smash through the windows on ropes from the ship.
1625. It is counterproductive to do that everytime we enter any building whatsoever.
1626. I am the original Captain Jarlot. I have not passed down my title several times to men named Wesley.
1627. It is not true we own property in Xen'drick.
1628. It is wrong to sell it to the warforged.
1629. When attending a ball, it is wrong to impersonate "The King of Asskickia"
1630. Eberron was not built by the Giants of Xen'drick to destroy all life in the galaxy.
1631. Stop telling the Master Cheif this.
1632. When we recieve news that the world is in dire peril and may be destroyed, the proper response is to stop it...not "Tell the Twelve and go about our merry way"
1633. A warforged's "grand slam" is not to be followed by an atomic elbow.
1634. Even if the warforged is named "Macho Man"
1633. The ring of Sibrys shards is not an ancient weapon called Halo.
1634. You cannot set the warfoged to 'stun'.
1635. Stop telling the artifacer its possible.
1636. We may not paint bomb markings on the side of the hull.
1637. We cannot paint dragon sillhouetes, either.
1638. We are not allowed to 'hit the door like titans'.
1639. Half the time, the door hits back.
1640. We are not martial law.
1641. You may not waterski behind the airship.
1642. You cannot hook up a propeller to a stationary bicycle to make the ship go faster.
1643. Even if you did, its wrong to tell the warforged its his job to pedal.
1644. I am not allowed to interrogate prisoners by shouting "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!?"
1645. There is no division of the Dark Lanterns known as CTU.
1646. I am not Jack Bauer.
1647. I am not allowed to start each job by stating "The following takes place..."
1648. The privy is not a Planar Gate to Xoriat.
1649. I should not spread that rumor.
1650. There is no saying, "What happens in Xen'drik stays in Xen'drik."
1651. No, you may not start it.
1652. No matter what you did there.
1653. .....ewwww
1654. The Warforged are not Rock'em Sock'em Robots.

1655. Stop selling tickets to these events.

1656. Trust me, I WILL notice if you replace the entire crew with muppets.
1657. Except Gonzo the Great, he fits right in.
1658. Animal is not a manifestation of the Devourer.
1659. Scratch that, he might be....
1660. We will not catapult crew members at enemy vessels.
1661. Even if the crew members like it, because it's a small cut, and pirates love being cut.
1662. Tycho and Gabe are not crew.
1663. We are not allowed to use a fire extinguisher to stop the ship.
1664. The Fire Elemental is not to respond in Alan Rickman's voice "Sweet Jesus, did you have to use the whole can?"
1665. We are fairly obviously the culprits of most of our crime spree, trashing the CSI of Sharn will not help us.
1666. Even if you really hate that show.
1667. This boat's crew was not collected from people who thought they were joining the cast of the 'Real world'
1668. It was collected from volunteers for Jackass.
1669. Turtle Shifters are not to be stomped on.
1670. Nor Mycanoids.
1671. Their leader is not a Dragon named Koopa.
1672. Sharn Halflings who ride dinosaurs and happen to be plumbers are no...oh the hell with it, call em Mario if you want.
1673. Torture is not forcing prisoners to watch episodes of the Golden Girls.
1674. We're not that cruel.
1675. Yo Ho! is not to be used to point me to prostitutes.
1676. Especially followed by "Blow the man down"
1677. Sixteen men on a dead man's chest is not instructions.
1678. Long John Silver's name was not dirty.
1679. Nor was captain hook's.
1670. Hook and Smee were not gay lovers.
1671. Oh sorry....err I wasn't aware that the two were together.
1672. hey I've got nothing against that sort of thing...it just took me by surprise is all.
1673. A Rakahasa crouching and a Dragon hiding doesn't mean that we can do wuxia moves or find the Green Destiny sword.
1674. Eberron Drow women did not "learn their place"
1675. The Scorpion King of the Drow is not played by the Rock.
1666) We don't break for dragonhawks- not even the awakened kind.
1667) So stop trying to get those Aundairian bumper stickers that say otherwise.
1668) Technicaly, this Airship doesn't even have a bumper

1669) And if it did, it would be covered in to much

squished dragonhawk to see what the stupid stickers you lot keep putting on it say.
1670) You are not to tell Jaela that as she is both the secular and temporal leader of Thrane, she has the power nessesary to declare herself "legal" whenever she sees fit.
1671) Even if its true.
1672. As air pirates; we rob from water ships, towns, the lightning rail, forts, airships, and storehouses.
1673. We do not copy music and videos then distribute them.
1674. Except if it's a realllllyyyyy awesome movie not out on DVD yet.
1675. Stop getting people to play with Aurula's name.
"She's A rula a alright. A very bad A rule a."
It's childish.
1676. Do not pinch your nose before saying this is a "A Pirate ship"
1677. If you take off Aurala's glasses, she doesn't become a hot sex maniac.
1678. Girls with glasses often are already.
1779. A pair of glasses is NOT sufficient disguise to fool the guard.
1780. Unless it's the Sharn guard in which case they're idiots.
1781. Do not refer to Queen Aurala's brother as "Jabba."
1782. Or slap a bumper sticker on his back that says "Wide load"
1783. If the airship be a' rockin......
1784. ...the warforged fell down.
1785. We will not moon King Kaius every time we fly by.
1786. Every other time will do.
1787. The warforged cant have a Predator mask.
1788. Even if it would make him look cool.
1789. We must not mistake Zilargo gnomes for end tables.
1790. Q'barra is not the home of good gumbo.
1791. The captain is to be called Bandit One or the Bandit.
1792. The first-mate is to be called Bandit Two or Snowman.
1793. All law enforcment agents are to be refered to as Smokies.
1794. There are two types of Smokies, friendly ones and not-so friendly ones.
1795. Do not by any means behave like Lord Flasheart. If you understand this you've watched Blackadder before.
1796. Do not make lewd sexual jokes about Pontiff Jaela. That is what Lord Flasheart would do.
1797. "Bah weep grawnab weep ninibaum" and offering them a gp is not the universal greeting.
1798. Although it may work in Darguun.
1799. I will not put waffles into the possesed toaster.
1800. I must not give the gnome artifacer coffee.
1801. Or cappucino.
1802. Or espresso.
1803. I am not allowed to mod the warforged with neon lights, spinners, or killer subs.
1804. I am not allowed to install a 'pet door' in the door to the shifters quarters.
1805. Even if the shifter has a pet.
1806. I must not write the Daughters of Sora Kell for dating advice.
1807. There is no Animal House frat at Morgrave University.
1808. Nor am I allowed to start one.
1809. Toga parties are still okay.
1810. Aquatic dire animals dont make good sushi.
1811. Dire boars dont make good porkchops.
1812. The bacon is okay, though.
1813. Must not ask the cook for MLT...Mutton, lettuce, and tomato.
1814. He did not say "To blave".....
1815. I am not left handed.
1816. I dont have six fingers on my right hand, either.
1817. Do not sing Lieutenant George's version of Row Row Row Your Boat to Pontiff Jaela. This is Lieutenant George's version of Row Row Row Your Boat. Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream, belts off trousers down isn't life a scream.
1818. Don't behave like the Bishop of Bath from Blackadder.
1819. Or like Prince Ludvig the Indistructible.
1820. The warforged is NOT a toy!
1821. The catgirl is NOT a toy!
1822. Jaela is NOT a toy!
1823. Dont tell the artificer about hammerguns
1824. EVER
1825. Do not put video cassets in the warforged. It only takes beta!
1826. To the mages: Fireball should not be your instinctive reaction to everything
1827. You cannot be a suicidally depressed warforged
1828. The warforged's name is not Marvin
1829. Or Gundam
1830. Or Ropanmatsu
1831. Or Evangelion
1832. Dont wish to shoot the DM or the Captain with a hammer.
1821. The warforged is not to be referred to as Metal Gear.
1822. Nor the warforged Titan.
1823. Nor will you add a nuclear missle launcher to it.
1824. NO, you can't have nukes anyway!
1825. Not even if you blow a wish spell.
1826. When finding a famous relic of Cyre, you will not fall on your knees and scream "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU! You filthy apes!"
1827. You will not tell the warforged that the Day of Mourning was the result of said filthy apes.
1828. You will not cast a sleep spell on a person after telling them you're casting a permanent time stop spell and put on ape costumes to say "Human, explain yourself" when they wake up.
1829. Do not cast multiple enlarge spells to try and make a monkey that will kidnap a girl and climb to the highest tower in Sharn...
1830. Just so you can fire the crossbows on the airship at it.
1831. You will not use real life actors to represent your characters. Especially not...
1832. Kurt Russell in Escape from New York.
1833. Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China.
1834. Kurt Russell in The Thing
1835. Kurt Russell in Soldier
1836. The Kurt Russell lookalike in Metal Gear Solid.
1837. Not even Kurt Russell in Captain Ron because he kinda looks like Snake with the eyepatch.
1838. When your character is old, he won't look like Sean Connery either.
1839. King Boranal is not Sean Connery either...even though it's entirely possible to pay him to appear in our games apparently with some of the movies he's done.
1840. I know you didn't say it but someone had to.
1841. Harrison Ford in ANY OF HIS FILMS before he got so old he started to look like Emperor Palpatine.
1842: Yes, warforged, we eat steak. Yes, warforged, most people are made of meat. No, this does not mean that fallen party members are "emergency rations" or "free protein".
1843: No, warforged, your immunity to fatigue and sleep doesn't mean that you get extra shares of treasure. May I suggest a hobby?
1844: Dressing up in a costume and fighting crime is not a hobby.
1845. House Cannith is not to be referred to as GM
1846. House Deneith is not to be hired to do my adventures for me.
1847. House Ghallandra is not to be referred to as "Hilton."
1848. Nor it's heads daughter, Paris Halfling.
1849. House Jorasco does not accept Medicaid as payment.
1850. House Kundarak will not be confused with Gringots.
1851. They will kill you if you mention goblins run that.
1852. House Lyrander is not to be referred to as National Airways.
1853. And we are NOT to be referred to as "Con Air."
1854. Even if we were a bunch of prisoners who acquired this ship by stealing it.
1855. Oh hush, it's the plot of Farscape too.
1856. House Medali did not learn their investigation techniques from Blues' Clues.
1857. Or "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiago."
1858. House Phiarlan will not be suggested to that the best way to replace their lost fortune is with an Emmy program.
1859. Or Reality programming.
1860. The Captain reserves the right to only one Reality TV quote and that is to say "You're Fired" with the Trump point before you're launched out of the cannon.
1861. House Sivis is not Random House.
1862. They are not interested in your life's story.
1863. House Thrashk members will not have you sneak into their mines with a dead canary to shout "OH LORDIE! THE CANARIES DEAD!" to start a panic.
1864. Unless we're robbing it.
1865. House Thuranni are not ninjas.
1866. Except when they put on nightsuits, carry katanas, and somehow fly.
1867. House Valadis is not to be asked whether you can adopt a Pound Puppy or not whenever you see them.
1868. The Wayfarer is forbidden from carrying a bullwhip or a fedora.
1869. Even if EVERYONE is expected to when they play one.
1870. The Wayfarers are not to be treated as old stuffy Brelish men who talk like they're on the history channel.
1871. Even if 99.9% of them are.
1872. As an old standbye...do not toss the dwarf.
1873. Or the gnomes.
1874. The Halfling will bite your leg off.
1875. No replacing dwarven beard shampoo with nair.
1876. Elves will not be told to pierce their ears more.
1877. Shifters cannot use their tails like periscopes.
1878. Dog Shifters can talk perfectly normal and not like Scooby Doo.
1879. Any gnome that acts like a tinker gnome will be killed summarily...
1880. No jury in the world would convict me.
1881. Kender and your next three characters will die.
1882. Teleport without error will not be used as a weapon.
1883. (re: #1865 & #1866) Especially not when they totally flip out, play guitar, and fight pirates.
1884. None of you... I repeat, none of you have Real Ultimate Power(tm).
1885. I do
1886: Our "theme tune" is not "da-na-na-na-na na-na-na-na-na-na Forgottenfreedom!"
1887: Because it doesn't scan, that's why
1888: The Lord of Blades is not so called for being really good on rollerblades
1889: The call for a descent is not "Squadron 14: DIVE!!!"
1890: Do not ask us to check the angular velocity of the moon without saying which one.
1891: "proving your worth something" doesn't always involve killing a lot of people
1892: Dodging bullettes really isn't that impressive
1893: Being drunk does not make you safe from falling
1894: You shall not taunt your party's Warmage by letting the Gnome Sorcerer use his Ghost Sound to make him believe there is a colossal Gorilla behind him.
1895. The Captain's Pop Culturefu shall not be corrected.
1896. You shall NOT attempt to strike up a relationship between the captain and the pontiff.
1897. You shall NOT convince the pontiff to dance in the previous pontiffs robes and pope hat.
1988. Even though it looks incredibly funny.
1989. And She would.
1890. The warforged's battlefists are not "Hulk Hands", and shall not be refered to as such.
1891. Even if we do have a catapult, we do NOT refer to the warforged as "armour-piercing ammunition".
1892. Even if he has an adamantine body.
1893. Neither the captain's Eternal wand of Knock, nor his Eternal wand of Presidigitation shall be refered to as a "Sonic Screwdriver"
1894. Kalashtar named Lyta Alexander will be shot on sight. With the balista.
1895. Keelhauling the warforged is forbidden. Any who attempt it must pay for repairs to both warforged, and keel.
1896: When someone yell 'Don't read from the book!' ... don't read from the the gods damn book.
1897: Even if the book is call "How to age the Speaker of the Silver Flame: the Jaela edition"
1898: Because it is a trap, thats why.
1899: The captain is not now, nor has he ever been a marmaset!
1906. Crew will not hang banners depicting their artistic impressions of how Tira Mirron "merged" with a Couatl over the side of the ship as it approaches Flamekeep.
1907. No matter how graphic it is.
1908. All artistic members of crew will be expected to chip in to repair the multiple-flamestrike damage to the ship's hull following the recent eventful flight through Thrane...
1902. A delayed blast fireball is not the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
1903. Niether is a necklace of fireballs
1904. There shall be no counting to 3, 5, or 13 when using the above items/spells.
1905. I count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0, 11, 12, 13. You should too. If necessary take off your boots when counting.
1906 Never take off your pants when counting, even if you only need one more.
1907. Plan B is not "Twice as many Fireballs as Plan A"
1910. Warforged were not "Forged in the heat of battle".
1911. Due to last years....misunderstanding...Jaela will not be trick-or-treating at our house this year.
1912. Dont ask what the misunderstanding was.
1913. In Eberron, dragons are not color-coded for your convenience.
1914. We do not have a mini-warforged named R2D2.
1915. When meeting a noble djinn, wishing for phenominal cosmic power is not recommended.
1916. You will not use a wish to get jaela as your girlfriend.
1917. You will not use a wish to get jaela to join the crew.
1918. I said earlier you cant attempt to get the captain in a relationship with the pontiff, doublely so with a wish.
1919. Asking the female changeling to dress up as Jaela is just WRONG.
1920. Unless its for Halloween.
1921. You are not allowed to carve the number 3.1415 into a pumpkin for Halloween or Thanksgiving and call it Pumpkin Pi.
1922. You cant tell the warforged to do so, either.
1923. There is no beer in Dolurrh, so we have to drink it here.
1924. The warforged is not allowed to show off by crushing beer kegs against his forehead.
1925. You will not have the wizard cast Geas on Jaela with objective being to bring her anywhere near us.
1926. or You.
1927. Nor shall you commune with the fiends of Khyber to overthrow the Silver Flame just so you can get them to give you Jaela as spoils.
1928. Getting the Dreaming Dark to brainwash Jaela while she sleeps is also forbidden.
1929. And just plain wrong.
1930. Using an Eldritch Machine to do any of the above will result is a solo visit to the Ring of Siberys.
1931. Said visit shall not be the result of using the machine...
1932. Although if it is a result the scoundrel deserves it.
1933. Rakshasa do not have a springyest tail that gives them a plus to jump checks
1934. And even if they did, they would still be unable to catch us.
1935. House Thuranni girls do not look like the cast of "Dead or Alive"
1936. House Thuranni are not all monk/rogue/assassins.
1937. They are not Ninjas!
1938. You cannot play a shifter trained by House Thuranni with adamentine claws....because Wolverine is not a ninja.
1939. No, you cannot date a King's Citadel Agent named Irene after slaying a demon as a House Thuranni Ninja as your backstory.
1940. No we cannot be pirate ninjas!
1941. That would be too badass for the space time continium.
1942. Pirates do not 'flip out and kill people for no reason.'
1943. We do it for money.
1944. You cannot be a millionaire playboy whose parents were gunned down before studying with House Thuranni...because Batman is not...okay Batman IS a ninja...at least in Batman Begins.
1945. Is an important day in WW2.
1946. I cannot play a Elemental Sorcerer House thuranni specializing in Ice.
1947. I cannot play a Elemental Sorcerer House Thuranni that's dead and specializing in fire.
1948. I cannot play a House Thuranni WARFORGED named Cyrax
1949. Because robots and ninjas don't mix.
1950. After beating someone with monk abilities til they're dazed, I will not shout "FINISH HIM"
1951. after a spectacular kill, I will not say "Flawless Victory."
1952. Or..."Fatality."
1953. I will not say "Friendship" to anyone.
1954. Unless it's the Pontiff, because we need the street cred.
1955. It's wrong to tell Jaela she was created by monks and she's actually the Key.
1956. So we can "hide" her from evil.
1957. There is no plane of Eberron named Outworld.
1957. We are not a water bomber.
1958. We are, however, a beer bomber.
1959. We are not police, and we arent a charitable institution.
1960. We dont protect or serve.
1961. Except ourselves.
1962. And maybe Jaela.
1963. The warforged is not to show off by crushing gnomes against his forehead, either.
1964. We will not sell shirts that say "Kiss her where it smells, take her to the Cogs".
1965. The Mournland is not a nuclear crater.
1966. Okay, maybe it is.
1967. We must refrain from pointing at the bad guy and telling the wizard 'Fire for effect'.
1968. 'cause the wizard cant shoot worth a damn.
1969. I am not Batman.
1970. I still am not Batman.
1971. All Gnomes do not have a pot 'o gold.
1972. I must not tell the warforged this.
1973. Or the greedy rogue.
1974. I must stop hiding in the paladin chick's room to watch her undress for the night.
1975. Or at the very least, stop shouting "Take it off!"
1976) one the note of 1974: Repeat after the captain-"Bribing powerful wizards to cast improved invisibility on the Paladin chick's full plate is not sanctioned".
1977) The above also aplies to any and all articles of the Pontiffical wardrobe.
1978) Exept the Pope hat.
1979) Whoever took those posts about "not stoping for Dragonhawks" and crossed out the "hawk" bit while the captain was off trying to bargin with the Serens for acess to Argonessen is going to get keelhauled- even if hes a warforged.
1980) To spite any prior decrease pretaining to Keelhauling.
1981. The Warforged will not be used as a figurine for the mast.
1982. Even if she does have a female personality, you will not have blacksmith give the warforged "boobies"
1983. You must not use doilys to reach ULTIMATE COSMIC POWER!!!
1983. Ask Kaus if he "Vants to suck your blud"
1983 Offer him a garlic hogey
1984. Must not taunt King Kaius by doing a bad Bella Lugosi impression.
1985. While King Kaius is within earshot.
1986. Must not hand King Kaius a cup, asking "you wanted tomato juice, right?"
1987. Must not ask King Kaius, 'So, talked to Vol, recently?'
1988. "eep oop ork ah ah" does not mean 'I love you.'
1989. I am not allowed to make crop circles.
1990. Especially ones of Tia Miron and 'the big, bad snake'.
1991. And Im REALLY not allowed to make them just outside of Flamekeep in Thrane.
1992. Kang and kodos do not work on our ship.
1993. You will not refer to Rhukaan Draal as a "wretched hive of scum and villainy."
1994. Even though it is.
1995. The Mourning did not give anyone an "Atomic Wedgie".
1996. Nor did it give anyone a normal "wedgie" either.
1997. You shall not call the sunrise before a day of combat, the "Dawn of War".
1998. War has been around far longer than that.
1999. Neither shall you call any form of combat in Frostfell a "Winter Assault".
2000. You shall not challenge Aurala's authority by demanding a recount.
2001. The Thronehold Accords was not written by Arthur C. Clarke
2002. Nor was it written by J. R. R. Tolkien
2003.The Mourning did not occur because someone hired or employed Homer Simpson.
2004. Mr. Burns is not Vol's long lost relative.
2005. A warforged on a plate cannot use its magnet to escape.
2006. The artificer cannot reverse the polarity of anything.
2007. The kalashtar telepath is not a "l33t mind h4xx0r".
2008. Dragonshards are not made of chopped-up pieces of dragons.
2009. You will not convince any artificer to take a Vow of Poverty.
2010. The wand of fireballs is not your "boomstick".
2008. Correllary to 2005: Not even if it is the LOBster.
2009. Half-bricks in socks will never, ever, defeat a wizard's staff.
2010. No, you may not have an orangutang as a familiar. No monkeys on this ship.
2011. Correction: No apes on this ship.
2012. I don't care how many points you have in your Craft Reserve. You may not make a car out of scrap metal!
2013. For the matter, you may not make a car out of anything.
2014. I don't care if you are 'the warrior from the sky', you may not have an Oldsmobile as part of your starting equipment.
2015. Same goes for the chainsaw and boomstick.
2016. There is not and never will be a prestige class that requires you to score with Jaela. So stop it.
2017. Any use of the words "Jaela" "Mage hand" "Evards Black Tentacles" and "Prestigation" In the same sentance will result in keelhauling
2018. Twice
2019. You may not ask about the ships miles per gallon
2020. You may not ask about the warforged's miles per gallon
2021. For the love of god, FIREBALL IS NOT A TOY!!!
2022. Nor does the captain like being hit by them!
2023. Stop telling the warforged this!
2024. The Warforged is not to use a Hat of Disguise to appear as a Dwarf, then challenge other Dwarves to a drinking contest.
2025. Or a contest to see who can hold his breath for the longest.
2026. If 2019 is broken, we will not call the oxygen-deprived Dwarf 'Papa Smurf' because his face turned blue.
2027. You need far more than bubble gum and a paper clip to foil Vol's plans.

2028. Do not try and get the Artificer to waste time converting a Warforged Titan to a battle mech.
2029. In the unlikely event that he succeeds you are not to hand that mech over to a angsty Japanese teenager.
2030. In fact, should you find yourself with such a weapon, all teenagers in a ten mile radius should be put to death.
2031. You will stop handing out copies of the Evil Overlord list; the bad guys have enough of an edge as is.
2032. YOU ARE NOT JAELA!
2033. For god sakes stop trying to lure Batman into the airship with promises of candy.
2034. Wait....
2035. Dwarfs in full plate are not the latest in missile technology.
2036. Anyone caught mooning royalty will be left behind to explain themselves.
2037. YES even if it’s Aurala
2045: We will not go into the Mournland specifically to steal a lot of beer from an abandoned brewery
2046: You will not sell Cyran Evergold Beer looted from Mournlands
2047: You will not drink said Mournland- tainted beer, unless you bought the pretzels
2048: drinking it will not give you super powers
2049: you will not eat mournland tainted pretzels
2050: Gnomes are not to be used as snacks
2051: or ammunition
2052: "We're going to need subtlety" does not mean "Learn some Silent fireballs"
2053: Or "cut people to ribbons while wearing a hooded cloak"
2054: "Diplomacy" does not involve apologising while blowing people to smithereens
2055: Your wings are not like a shield of steel
2056: So bullettes can hurt you
2057: The sovereign host do not appear in person to give messages to their followers, you're fooling noone trying.
2058: Even if they did, they would send more profound messages than "3 Pepperonis, 2 meatfeasts and some cheesy garlic bread"
2059: The shifter with glasses is not Dogbert
2060: That's okay, you shouldn't have been listening to his business plans either way.
2061: I don't care how cool the sword looks, you do not HAVE THE POWER.
2062: Nor the right to dress in only a fur loincloth.
2063: Nor call us the Masters of the Universe.
2064: Do not play mind games with any Inspired we encounter.
2065: They will win.
2066: Yes, the captain is positive they will. Don't try your luck.
2067: Just because the cleric holds the faith of the Silver Flame as her personal ideal does not mean you need to make her some WWJD (What Would Jaela Do?) bracelets.
2068: You most certainly do NOT need to make her any WILJTD (What I'd Like Jaela To Do) bracelets, EVER.
2069: Nor should you even think of trying to program such protocols into the warforged.
2070: What the - By the Host, do you LIKE being keel-hauled?
2071: You do?.....OK, that explains a lot...
2072. The airship is not perfect for a 'chicken cannon'.
2073. Neither is the warforged.
2074. Even though it would look really cool.
2075. The wizard is not to use index cards for his spells.
2076. Im not chasing them down when he drops them on a windy day.
2077. Again.
2078. The airship is not 'unleaded fuel only'.
2079. The artifacer is not named Red Green.
2080. Nor does he have a 'handyman's corner'.
2081. Using lots of duct tape is still required.
2082. You may not summon a celestial whale and have it appear 200 ft above the Dealker's head.
2083. And if you did any damage it did would not be considered good alinged
2084. Even though she loses powers if she leaves the Cathedral, you will not refer to Jaela as, "The Sorceress of Greyskull."
2085. Nor the "The Sorceress of Flamekeep," or "The Cleric of Greyskull." "The Cleric of Flamekeep" is okay because honestly, that's what she is.
2094. Stop making Jaela's hat fall off with cantrips.
2095. Jaela's hat being smaller than the previous pontiffs is wrong.
2096. There is no such thing as "Saint Mirron's School for Girl Pontiffs"
2097. And it does not have uniforms!
2098. Jaela is not Chiyo-Chan.
2099. We will not rename the ship the "Lolicon Con"
2100. Or add the word "Carney" after that.
2101. We are not the Bat-Airship!
2102. Merrix d'Cannith does not write the "A City with No People" series.
2103. King Kaius was not locked in a coffin and thrown into the ocean for 50 years.
2104. The artificer cannot retain the essence of a warforged.
2105. The artificer cannot retain the essence of an artifact.
2106. The artificer is forbidden from going back through the dungeon we cleared and retaining the essence of all the magic traps.
2107. There are no such things as living skills, living feats, or living action points.
2108. You cannot tie anyone to a conductor stone track.
2109. While it is a good song, the bard is forbidden to sing "November Rain" while in Sharn.
2110. The bard is also forbidden from singing "Welcome to the Jungle" while we are in Xen'drik.
2111. No, there are no 2001-style monoliths in Xen'drik.
2112. The crew is forbidden, under penalty of death, to use the airship to make paintball 'drive bys'. Its just not right.
2113. The crew is not allowed to send the warforged to "Pimp my 'Forged".
2114. You are not allowed to create a daily pamphlet on what Jaela did that day.
2115. Unless the Captain gets the first copy and half of the profits.
2116 You can play chess with the Warforged as pieces.
2117 Warforged Boxing will continue on Moonday nights.
2118 Do not offer a special scratching post to the catgirl.
2119 No asking for a special prayer from Jaela.
iDon

1001 + things an ebberon party cannot do

1001+ Things that the worst party in Eberron is forbidden from doing...

From Captain Jarlot, Pirate at arms....

Activities that the Crew of the Airship Forgotten Freedom are Forbidden from engaging in:


1. Do not attempt to rub nair over the shifter first mate while she is asleep.
2. Do not taunt Cardinal Krozen about his inability to capture/kill the Crew. It's not bad, just tacky.
3. Do not taunt the The Lords of Dust about their inability to capture the Crew. It really should be bad, but it's not. Still tacky.
4. Do not taunt Queen Aurala about her inability to capture the Crew. Otherwise she'll stamp her foot and pout.
5. Do not shoot the villain while he's monologuing, no matter how long he takes.
6. There will be NO referring to King Kaius as Mein Furher or goosestepping to his orders.
7. Even if he speaks in a thick German accent.
8. Even if the secret service wears jack boots.
9. Even if they're seeking the Ark.
10. ALRIGHT, THEY'RE NAZIS...SWEET TIRA MIRRON.
11. The Captain forbids the Elf from referring to Tira Mirron as a "Great Lay", "The Feisty Wench", and "The Naughty Girl who liked to lick."
12. The crew will not attempt to make the Paladin break his vows.
13. The crew will not point out the Paladin has already done so by being on a Pirate ship.
14. The crew will not use the Forgotten Freedom to buzz dinosaurs.
15. No matter how cool they look when they scamper.
16. ESPECIALLY NOT during halfling festival days.
17. The Lord of Blades does not need to see the Wizard for a heart.
18. He does not need oiling when it rains, nor is this an effective battle strategy against him.
19. Nor does he need a diploma, medal, or any combination of these things.
20. The Lord of Blades is not to be referred to as "Skippy"
21. Nor is Pontiff Jaela
22. Even if she skips alot.
23. Queen Aurala is not the Wicked Witch of the West
24. Even if she is a witch and lives in the West and is of dubious morality.
25. Throwing water on her is not a means of "Undoing her wickedness"
26. Pontiff Jaela is not to be referred to as "Lolita"
27. Nor will she be referred to as "Major Hot Babe when she grows up."
28. ...even if she will be.
29. Erandis D'Vol cannot be stopped by dropping a House on her.
30. Nor can Queen Aurala.
31. King Boranal will not be invited to Frat Keggers or Orgies with Changeling Girls.
32. Even if he's game.
33. King Kaius is not the last boss in the Castlevania series.
34. Nor is his mortal enemy Simon Belmont.
35. It is wrong to cast magic mouth spells to play "The Phantom of the Opera" when he enters the room.
36. Or eat garlic pizza before talking to him.
37. Or hold up mirrors behind him while mouthing the word "Vampire."
38. Queen Aurala is not to be referred to as Glinda.
39. You cannot summon a Rajah by saying 'Hastur' three times.
40. Or a Daelkyr by saying "Candyman" into a mirror.
41. Dolgrim's do not have one head that always lies and one that always tells the truth.
42. The Aerenal elves will not be referred to as "The creepy Goth elves."
43. Nor are the Deathless described as "Undead who all dress like they're in a 70s glam rock band."
44. We will not rob the Lightning Rail wearing scarves on our faces.
45. If we do, we won't claim to be trying to conduct a Time Travel experiment.
46. Even if we are.
47. Valenar Elves are not to be called "Romulans"
48. You will not compare a Valenar Elves' performance to Legolas
49. Even if Legolas could do it much better.
50. I am the reincarnation of King Jarlot, none of you are.
51. I will not attempt to restart the Great War for "kicks"
52. Dwarves will not be referred to as "The Swiss."
53. Even if they have fine chocolate and good cheezes.
54. No, it is a rumor you can conquer Aundair by simply walking into it.
55. It is wrong to use Ventriloquism to predict the end of the world in a cathedral in Thrane.
56. The Quori are not to be referred to as "The Q" or are their activities from "The Q Continium."
57. The changeling is forbidden from deliberately appearing as Earth celebrities she has no idea exist.
58. Darguun are not to be called "Klingons."
59. Even if they have swords suspiciously similiar to them.
60. Riedra is not Japan or China or any other Oriental culture, so I cannot go there to spot me some Asian Chicks.
61. The Monk will also not use the word "WO PAW!" after every strike.
62. Shifters cannot be Catgirls.
63. Or Foxgirls.
64. OR BUNNY GIRLS.
65. Even if they were I could not make a mansion of them and sell their pictorials.
66. When conducting robberies, I will not give wedgies to Dragonshard house nobles because they 'richly deserve it.'
67. Merrix D'Cannith is not to be referred to as "Lex Luthor, greatest crimminal mastermind inventor of the 11th century!"
68. Even if he's bald, an inventor, and a supervillain.
69. Q'barra is not the home of voodoo, plantations, or good cajun cooking.
70. Kobolds are not to be called "Spot", "Fido", or "Rover"
71. Nor will you attempt to teach them 'tricks'
72. Kobolds do not speak in an accent similiar to Ren nor do they say things like "It is not I who am crazy, it is I who am MAD!"
73. There will be no characters accepted who are Lysander Bugbear pilots named Baloo.
74. Nor will lovable kid sidekicks named Cloudkicker with Tenser Floating Disks.
75. You will not refer to a wand of fireballs as your "Boom Stick"
76. The Mockery is not your Copilot.
77. Nor the Traveller.
78. Queen Aurala is not to be referred to as the "Virgin Queen" in a derogitory manner.
79. Any rumors that such a name is inappropriate because of me is to be squashed.
80. Halflings of Clan Boramar are not to speak like they're Italian or in the Godfather.
81. Nor is Joe Peschi a Halfling.
82. Even if he claims so.
83. You cannot play four Turtle Ninja Shifters.
84. It is wrong to refer to King Boranal's daughter as a fine piece of ***
85. Even if she is.
86. I will not attempt to turn the Forgotten Freedom into a Pimp Mobile
87. The Gods of Eberron do not fail to appear on the earthly plane because I am "THAT" badass...
88. Kalashatyr are not to be referred to as the Tokra.
89. Nor the Quori as G'ould.
90. We are not the Crew of Firefly.
91. Nor Blake's 7.
92. Even if an Alliance is Chasing us.
93. I am to be referred to as Captain Jarlot not "Jack Sparrow" or "Keith Richards"
94. Even if there's a frightening resemblance sometimes.
95. Xen'drick is not to be referred to as "The land of stereotyped minorities brought to light by the glories of colonialism."
96. Pontiff Jaela is not to be referred to as "Ruri" or "Rei Ayanami"
97. No, you cannot wear the pope hat.
98. Even if she lets you.
99. It is wrong to attempt to make the Lord of Blades sing "Daisy"
100. He is not to be referred to as R.O.B.B.I.E or any other warforged.
101. No, I cannot stencil in a Dragonmark for powers.
102. Especially not the Dragonmark of Death
Nr. 103 has been lost to the sands of time.
104. Repeat after me, I did not cause the Day of Mourning.
105. I am not Batman
106. The Demon Wastes will not be referred to as "Athas"
107. A Mel Gibson look alike is not driving around The Mournland in a V8.
108. What most Mourners do not need is "A good slap"
109. Sieg Heil is not the correct manner of greeting King Kaius.
110. Being a pirate does not make me the ultimate enemy of Ninjas.
111. Being a pirate does not make Boo Radely our King or the Mockingbird something we must figure out how to kill.
112. The proper response to a defeated foe offering surrender is not
"ALL YOUR BASE, ARE BELONG TO US!"
113. Or
"YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO DESTRUCTION!"
"HAHAHAHAHA."
114. Even if I laugh like hell.
115. There is not a secret plot to combine Dark Sun and the Council of Wyrms and the Flanaes into one setting on Eberron to save money.
116. Even if they did it with Forgotten Realms
117. You shall not argue the merits of the attractive paladin turning tricks "for the good of the party."
118. Bards are not to be shot on sight for being worthless.
119. Nor shall Gnomes.
120. The Gnomes of Zilargo are not the cast from Cruel Intentions and every soap opera in history.
121. People from the Eldeen Reaches do not have Plaid outfits and talk like Hillbillies.
122. I will not make "You might be from the Eldeen Reaches" lists.
123. Making only the Orcs like this is not a substitute.
124. The Aurrum are not led by Blofeld.
125. Or Doctor Evil.
126. Austin Powers is not a member of the King's Citadel.
127. James Bond is.
128. I will never under ANY circumstances shout "My name is Indigo Montoya, You killed my father. Prepare to die"
129. Even if they did.
130. You will not try and hum the 2001 theme when encountering Quori monoliths.
131. Boris and Natasha do not work for Karrnath.
132. King Kaius is not to be referred to as "Fearless Leader"
133. Moose and Squirrel are not good codenames for the party when doing undercover work against them.
134. The Wardens of the Forrest are not to be referred to as the Harpers.
135. Nor are they lead by Elminster.
136. I will not when meeting Kalashatyr shout "Wait, I've met you before in the ancient civilization of the Giants in a previous life. Yes, ATLANTIS!"
137. Even if I did.
138. I will not attempt to rescue party members from the Realm of the Dead by saying to the Maruts "You know a guy thirty miles away is trying to sneek a way a soul. He's invisible so look really for an hour."
139. If the condition for releasing a party member is not to look back at them. Do not simply stick your hands behind your head to block your vision and claim it works.
140. You are not in 8-bit nor is "Haddokken" or "Stabbity death" a answer for anything.
141. I will not build a spelljammer to surf on the Ring of Siberys.
142. I will not use Khyber shards to summon Elvis.
143. Warforged are not to be my butlers.
144. The Chamber is not to be called "The Dragonati"
145. Rakashasas are not members of the Masons or effette British Indian Colonialists.
146. Sharn is not "New York only more flying carpets"
147. The Gatekeepers are not an anime about communist fears of Japan.
148. The proper battle cry for a female moonspeaker is not "IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I WILL PUNISH YOU!"
149. Even if you are a SAILOR Moonspeaker
150. House Cannith is not Shin-ra nor is it possible to find Aeris selling flowers in Sharn.
151. Being from Karrnath is not reason enough to wear a German barmaid's outfit.
152. Especially if you are a man.
153. As a child, Queen Aurala did not have a gingerbread house that she lured you to try and eat you.
154. If she does own a magic mirror, it's not to scry the land so she can put to sleep girls who are more attractive than her or lock them in towers.
155. You will not shout "my ass" when talk of her benevolent rule is spoken.
156. The Thrane Royal Family will not be referred to as "the most useless monarchy since Britains."
157. Even if one of you happens to be a subject of the Queen of England (and Canada)
158. Merrix D'Cannith is not building a giant *fingerwag* laser on one of the moons.
159. You will not pretend to be Boranal's bastard son.
160. Even if it's 50-50 likely.
161. You will not try and use the Silver Flame to roast marshmellows.
162. Or weenies.
163. You will not ask if you can put a rotessary over it.
164. BBQ over it does not taste better because of that 'spiritual goodness.'
165. I will not claim to have had sex with Dol Arrah
166. Or Arawai.
167. Or the Fury
168. Especially not at once.
167. Elves do not react to dog whistles.
168. Kobolds do.
169. Erandis D'Vol is not "Vecna's teenage Goth daughter."
170. No I cannot import kender via the Plane of Shadows to leave a mark of fear and terrror across the land.
171. Five warforged cannot join together with five magic medallions to become Voltron.
172. It is wrong to tell warforged this.
173. The Blood of Vol did not get started by the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
174. Breland's Collosus of Freedom does not have "Give me your rich, your pretty, and your gulliable" on her tablet.
175. The airship's mechanic shall not be referred to as "Cid"
176. Dragonshards will not be referred to as "Materia"
177. Or Mana.
178. You will not hum the Legend of Zelda theme while walking
179. It is not a compliment to toss catnip on shifters and watch them trip out.
180. Argonessan is not Australia, I don't know where you got the idea and all dragons do not suddenly talk like the Crocodile Hunter.
181. Jedi is not an acceptable prestige class because all things can be found in Eberron.
182. Nor can you refer to the bugbear as Chewie.
183. Cyre will not mutate superintelligent apes and they will eventually replace us all so we might as well blow the planet now.
184. The Emerald Claw is a frightening group of terrorists and undead worshippers, they are not to be judged by the fact their name sounds like a strip club or oriental restaurant.
185. When the Quori view my dreams I cannot imagine them stomped on by Godzilla to kill them.
186. The Tarrasque is not Godzilla...IN ANY WORLD.
187. Bone Knights should not be challenged by saying "You get a real boner for combat huh?"
188. the proper response for a mysterious NPC giving a mission is to not spit whiskey on them and then set them on fire.
189. Booty from treasure hunts will not be referred to as "bling bling."
190. When we see a distress signal we do not say "F*** that! We're taking this boat to Risa."
191. It's wrong to capture Dinosaurs and try to open a park on some island near Xen'drick.
192. The proper response when meeting the son of Queen Aurala is not to say "You know your mom's a real **** right?"
193. If Queen Aurala is ever successfully kidnapped, you will not try her for witchcraft by putting a fake nose on her and weighing her against a duck.
194. Jaela's birthday six years from now will not be a cause for celebration because she turns 'legal'
195. You will not beat the crazzap out of Royal Eyes members on principle.
196. Or causally announce their status as spies in crowded marketplaces.
197. Putting up your cloak in blood daylight does not add +1 to your Hide/Sneak check.
198. The Day of Mourning did not result in mass mutations that created the Eberron version of the X-men
199. Or the Incredible Hulk.
200. You will not pistol whip Prince Jurian.
201. Unless I order you too.
202. Queen Aurala is not even a Magic user! Why the hell do you keep making the Witch jokes!?
201. Prince Oargev's name is not a euphemism for his sexual leanings.
202. Cyre was not Naboo nor was the Day of Mourning righteous revenge for the Prequels.
203. The Daughters of Sora Kell are not a Lilith Fair band.
204. You will not ask any Rakashasa Prince to endorse frosted flakes by saying "They'reee GREAAAAAT!"
205. You may shorten my rank to Cap'n, however my surname is Jarlot, not "Crunch"
206. You may not hang five warforged from the keel to make a Newton's cradle.
207. That right is reserved for me and me alone.
208. You will not build a stepladder into the Warforged. 209. Or a bucket seat.
210. Or an umbrella.
211. The Warforged is not a nutcracker.
212. Nor can he light fires by snapping his fingers.
213. You will not refer to Esravash as “that old windbag”
214. The Warforged will not be referred to as “Johnny 5.”
215. The Artificer will not be referred to as “Macguyver” unless that is his name.
216. You may not name an Artificer “Macguyver.”
217. You are not Indiana Jones, this is not the Temple of Doom.
218. Even if is looks like it.
219. You will not randomly push people off bridges in Sharn “to see if gravity still works.”
220. You are not Korben Dallas.
221. You are not named Gar ir’Baldi, and you are not the security chief of Argonth 5.
222. …though that’s not a bad idea for a campaign.
223. Aerenal Elves are not to be referred to as “Hot Topic Elves”
224. You will not greet Valenar Elves by yelling “Ya Hya Chouhada!”
225. Valenar Elves do not speak with a bad Middle Eastern accent.
226. …or “praise allah.”
227. You may not be the gnomish bard who invented the saxophone.
228. There is no football stadium in Sharn, and Sharn’s team does not have Juggernaught linemen.
229. Your Boots of Striding and Springing do not have the “swoosh” logo on them.
230. Dragons are not Vorlons.
231. Daelkyr are not Shadows.
232. The Tarrasque will not be reffered to as “Mr. T.”
233. Mr. T. will not be imitated under any circumstances.
234. Nor will MC Hammer.
235. Or Michael Jackson.
236. Singing “Thriller” or “Living Dead Girl” in the company of Aerenal Elves is not acceptable.
237. The Changeling will not use the Warforged to break his fall.
238. Your Shifter was not an original cast member of “CATS”
239. Your Bard’s name is not Idina, Maureen, Elphaba, or Aida.
240. King Boranel will not be referred to as “gramps.”
241. You will not carry a largeish bath towel and a book that you claim contains all the information you need to survive out there.
242. You will not shoot down the Giant Owl and Gargoyle members of Sharn’s postal service.
243. Good Warforged are not Autobots, evil ones are not Decepticons.
244. Warforged Druids are not Maximals or Predacons, for that matter.
245. You will not, under any circumstance, use the word “kender.”
246. You are not allowed to refer to Warforged as “Cylons.”
247. You are not allowed to pick fights with the leaders of major religions.
248. You are not allowed to hit on them either.
249. …especially if doing so would violate Thranish age of consent laws.
250. That wand is not your pimp stick, and please take off that stupid hat.
251. Refering to the shifter as "Whiskers", "Mittens", "Garfield", "Princess Froo-Froo", "Kitty", or "Fluffy" is strickly prohibited... while he is within earshot.
252. Despite the fact that House Cannith has a mostly Warforged staffed Concierge service, it is not appropriate to call all Warforged you meet after that "Concierge".
253. Despite the fact that Merrix d'Cannith wears a rainbow wig, a t-shirt that says "I <3 Warforged", and drools all over himself mumbling "Mournlands..." does not mean that you can make fun of him... while he is within earshot.
254. Under no circumstances are you to refer to King Kaius as "Lord Zed", nor Queen Auralia as "Rita Repulsa". They are not both in cahoots to stop us from saving the world, nor are they plotting to send giant monsters into Sharn.
255. Pope Jaela is *not* River Tam, and you may not invite her to come with us on our journey.
256. Even if she wants to.
257. And even if the paladin thinks she'll be "dreamy" in a couple of years.
258. Yes, I am aware that the paladin is female; let a man have his dreams.
259. You will not refer to the captains of other ships (land or air based) as "The guy that's about to be thrown overboard."
260. Even if that is so very, very true.
261. King Borenal's mother was not, in fact, a hampster. Nor did his father smell of elderberries. Any assertions to the contrary will be met with deadly force by the Darklanterns.
262. Using the skyskiff to pick up chicks is stricktly prohibited.
263. Unless you bring back enough for everyone.
264. After the Captain orders you to clean the boat, you will not tell him to "go wax his prow" or "get the mast out of his poop deck".
264. Though you are a shifter, you do not have the "heart of a lion, wings of a bat"; no matter how much you want them.
265. We are not changing the name of the boat to Limozeen.
266. The Eldeen Reaches are not "the best place to pitch trash over the side of the ship". Do you *not* understand the concept of Druids?
267. Wroat is not short for "Deep Wroat" despite what those Changeling "escorts" told you.
268. No, you cannot have the cleric cast Remove Disease on you now. You have to suffer for a bit. We warned you about Droaam girls, but *no*, you didn't listen.
269. Besides, he has to cast Remove Disease on me first. And I'm the Captain. So there.
270. House Lyrandar does *not* speak Al Bhed, despite similar clothing styles and airship useage. "Ku clnaf ouincamv!" and "Ouin sudran ec y fruna!" are not a good conversation starters.
271. There is not a Black Mage Academy; and even if there was, you couldn't go study there.
272. Under no circumstances are you to sing the theme of "The Greatest American Hero" while you are riding a soarsled through Sharn.
273. Do not refer to the Warforged as "Man of Steel Man".
274. After casting Fireball at the Lord of Blades, calling him "LOBster Thermadore" is just adding insult to injury.
275. So feel free to do that any time the occasion arises.
276. The Seren barbarians do not speak with heavy Cockney accents. Calling them Guv'nah will just **** them off more.
277. King Kaius is not "a blatant rip off of that Angel character". Saying such things to his face is frowned upon, and my result in your quite timely death.
278. The Aurum are not to be refered to as "Ferengi".
279. The ship's cabin boy is not to be refered to as "anchor".
280. Despite having been used as such on several occasions.
281. We will not pay for a Reincarnate, Ressurection, or True Ressurection after you are smote for making innapropriate advances toward Pope Jaela.
282. I don't care if she was wearing a short skirt.
283. You will not refer to the Paladin's Wand of Cure Light Wounds as "The Magic Stick".
284. It is not okay to ask her to "hit it twice" if she has already used a charge on you.
285. "Why don't you come back to my place and exercize the demon?" is *not* anything resebling a good pick up line, and may not be used on any cleric, paladin, or priest of any religion.
286. Especially if you're a Tiefling or Half-Fiend.
287. Especially not Jaela.
288. Paladins of the Silver Flame are not to be refered to as "Flamer Crusaders".
289. Nor may you accompany that insult with a limp wristed wave.
290. Talenta Halflings do not like being called "Barney riding Kender".
291. Limericks are stricktly forbidden after the incident at the Cathedral of the Silver Flame. Let us never speak of it again.
292. Gorgons do not make good house pets.
293. Neither do cockatrices. I am not paying for another Stone to Flesh.
294. When the Paladin uses Turn Undead, it does not make her into a zombie. Telling the townsfolk such things is a bad practice.
295. You may not mock the Paladin if she fails a Turn Undead attempt by asking her if she was "Turning Japanese" by mistake.
296. Going fishing for dinosaurs while hovering over the Talenta Plains is *not* a good idea.
297. If you catch a rider along with the dinosaur, calling it a "two-fer" in their presence may make someone upset.
298. Not me, though, because that's hillarious.
299. The Captain is not to be refered to as "Cap'n Mehoff".
300. There are not 15 houses. House Atreides, House Harkonnen, and House Corrino are *not* real. You just got really drunk.
301. Don't tell that to Baron Harkonnen, though, he gets really sensative about those kinds things.
302. The Valenar are not Fremen, they will not teach you how to ride sandworms. Stop asking them.
251. When a Gatekeeper druid tells you his faction, the appropriate response is never "I am the Keymaster!"
252. When sneaking through the Keeper's lair, it's not a good idea to point at one of the Shards and say "Hey, is that Elvis?"
253. Stop asking every changeling you meet whether you can join the Dominion.
254. The state of accelerated action and awareness created by Time Stop is not to be referred to as "bullet time" or "entering the Matrix".
255. When your elemental galleon comes in to dock, with a wharf ahead and to its right, it is not appropriate to exclaim "There's klingons on the starboard bow!"
257. It's wrong to try and make warforged obey the Three Laws of Robotics.
258. The return of the Dhakaani empire will not be like the South Rising Again.
259. The Dawning of the Next Age of the Kalashatyr will not be when the Moon is in the Second house and Jupiter aligns with Mars....
260. Shadowrun is not the official future for Eberron.
261. Harry Potter does not attend Hogwarts in Aundair.
262. Despite what the rules say, tossing a bag of rats over someone while you have great cleave doesn't allow you to hit them a dozen times in a single turn.
263. Lhazaar is not pronounced "Laz E Boy"
264. It is wrong to tell warforged that the proper greeting for a stranger from a culture he hasn't visited is to punch him in the face.
265. The solution to every problem is not "Blow them all to Hell with fireballs and let god sort them out."
266. Thaliost isn't to be referred to as Belfast.
267. It is wrong to linger in King Kaius' undead harem.
268. Even if I do.
269. The Crusade against werecreatures was not motivated by furry porn and it's wrong to spread this.
270. Money acquired from corpses, treasure chests, robbed victims, and the like will be stored in banks and not buried on unfamiliar islands or placed in other dungeons with monsters hired from Droam to guard them.
271. We will not try and open this as an alternative to Mror Hold banking.
272. It's wrong to tell warforged that the Treaty of Thronehold was fake and they're their secret contact to give them orders to rise up and slaughter all the humans the day after you leave.
273. The words "RAMMING SPEED" will be ordered by the Captain and the Captain alone on this vessel.
274. It is not permissable for the wizards onboard to 'Aurala Slap' a sorcerer with his spellbook
275. Even if the Sorcerer laughs about them having to use books.
276. I will not psyche up warforged before battle by saying "You do not know pain, you do not know fear, you will taste Man Flesh!"
277. Even if they are really curious about what manflesh tastes like.
278. It's wrong to point out that Cardinal Kronzen looks exactly like Tim Curry.
279. And that he looks like Monty Burns when he taps his fingers together and says "Excellllllent."
280. And that he usually reveals his plans by just turning to the side and muttering things like "Do they suspect I intend to have the King killed?"
281. I will not refer to the Queen's champion in Thrane as D'Artangne.
282. We will not give the money we steal from the rich to the poor.
283. Even if we told the Paladin this.
284. And we operate from an Eldeen Reaches forrest..
285. Called Sherwood...
286. And we're all very Merry.
287. It is wrong to tell the warforged that "You can kiss my robot ass." is a socially acceptable response to all questions.
288. Cloud Strife and Squall Lionheart are not recruitable to our cause nor will we use our money to open up mercenary acadmies called Gardens.
289. It is wrong to liberally quote Braveheart to incite Rebellion in Northern Breland.
290. Not only is it very wrong to offer Pontiff Jaela candy to get in a coach with you...this Pirate ship in no way condones what you're thinking.
291. Clicking your heels is not a way to greet Kaius' daughter.
292. Or to take you back to Kansas.
299.Our next target is not the Ruby encrusted slippers of Aurala's sister so we can go back there.
300. The Trust are not Gnome Ninjas.
301. We will not buy a submarine to hunt warships of the Brelish crown.
302. Nor can you refer to me as Nemo.
303. Even if the Island I own is mysterious.
304. This ship is not a Democracy and you cannot vote me off as leader.
305. Or my island.
306. Dungeons and Dragons the movie is not set in Aundair. Even we recognize Aundair has more value than that.
307. It is wrong to attempt to rig the Race of Winds in Sharn....
308. So the Tortoise wins.
309. Selina Kyle is not a Shifter Rogue.
310. Clayface is not a Fat Changeling.
311. I repeat, I am not Batman.
312. You will never ask the Cult of the Dragon below worshipping the Dark Six to allow you to choose the form in which the Traveller shall come.
313. Even if the marshmellows will make us a bundle.
314. I do not know Kung fu.
315. Only the Monk Does.
316. The Monk does not know drunken boxing however...
317. The monk cannot refer to junior crew as "grasshopper"
318. Jaela cannot defeat evil by getting a team of young girl priestesses together who wear short skirts...it's wrong to tell her there's a sacred reason for it.
319. She does not have a Silver Millenium Crystal.
320. It is wrong to tell her "COSMIC FLAME POWER" is an appropriate statement for the use of high level attack spells.
321. The Knights of Thrane are not the Flaming Knights...
(special thanks above)
322. Shouting Attacks before I do them is just dumb
323. I will not breed Abberations using spells to make them cute in the hope of creating Pokemon.
324 ....or Chocobos.
325. The Lord of Blades does not have a whacky sidekick plotting against him called Starscream.
326. Jaela being the Chosen is meant that she will be their spiritual leader and guide. It does not mean that she will get a highly educated Brelish demonologist to follow her while she hunts demons.
327. King Boranal is not Sean Connery, I don't know why the crew keeps using Sean Connery's accent to immitate him.
328. You are not allowed to use a warforged's severed head with a light spell as an impromptu everbright lantern.
329. Even if it's dark in the sewers of Sharn and you forgot to bring yours.
330. No, the warforged fighter cannot hurl the shifter barbarian at his enemies.
331. Even with an action point.
332. *sigh* Ok, roll your Strength check.
333. The changeling cannot absorb the Talenta barbarian into herself and gain extra HP nor can she gain one use of the Rage ability.
334. The martial artists at the embassy ball are members of the Royal Eyes of Aundair, not members of the "Crazy 88".
335. The one on the left is not Gordon Liu.
336. Even if he's bald and has a mask.
337. When an agent of the Lord of Blades is defeated you shall not yell: "The Snitch! Fetch me my broom of flying, quick!" upon the appearance of a final messenger.
338. Warforged are intelligent and articulate. They do not go around saying "WARFORGED!" all the time.
339. When discovering dangerous eldritch machines in secret House Cannith research facilities, it is in bad form to yell: "We found the weapons of mass destruction!"
340. There is no such thing as a Dragonmark of Caring nor does my Bear Shifter have it on his tummy.
341. The party mage must be refraned from telling the guards "These arent the warforged youre looking for."
342. The bard must be immediately slain upon uttering the words "Anyone want to hear some Depeche Mode?"
343. Even if someone does.
344. The warforged must be discouraged from yelling "EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!!" at random.
345. The Silver Flame is not lit by propane.
346. Nor is it the Olympic flame.
347. Nor is it a trash incinerator.
348. We do not 'Dump our garbage before going to lightspeed.'
349. Warforged are not Omnimechs.
350. They arent protomechs, either. So stop cutting them open to 'make sure the pilot is dead.'
351. We don't do orbital bombardment.
352. Air strikes are still okay.
353. Our job is not "To kill our enemies, see them driven before us, and hear the lamentations of their women". Thats what we do on our days off.
354. Musnt use the fire elemental powering the airship to light cigars.
355. Elves dont call people "Mr. Anderson".
356. The warforged isnt named Bender.
357. He doenst run on alcohol, either.
358. Dont hum the 'Lumberjack' song around someone from the Eldeen Reaches.
359. Unless you really want to.
360) Yes, everyone DOES expect the 'Thranish Inquisition'! They've already done it twice. Stop saying otherwise.
361) Any warforged uttering the phase, "I'll be back," will under no circumstances be allowed to reboard the ship.
362) Darkvision is not 'Infravision' . You cannot hide yourself from it by setting your surroundings on fire.
363) If you are a Valanar Elf traveling with 12 demon waste barbarians, you may not refer to yourself as Ahmad Ibn Fadlan or "the thirteenth warrior."
364) Even if you are.
365) Kalashtar, or Psions in general, named Akira or Tetsuo will be immediately pitched overboard (regardless of altitude).
366) Repeat after me: "The Mournland is not the world's greatest open air dungeon."
367) Even though it is.
368) The Lord of Blades does not have any difficulty whistling "Pop goes the weasel."
369) Nor does he get his abilities from the Autobot Matrix.
370) Shouting "Victory is mine!" is a sure way to have it wrested from you at the most inopportune moment.
371) The name of this airship is the Forgotten Freedom, not the 'millenium falcon', the 'bebop', or the 'titanic.'
372) Those are travelling papers, not a "multi-pass." Stop refering to them as such.
373) Any spellcaster whose somatic component for web is to fold his ring and middle finger back onto his palm while flexing his hand down at the wrist is simply begging to be stabbed in his sleep.
374) You cannot polymorph your crewmates into uninjured versions of themselves simply because no one bothered to play a cleric.
375) Whoever sold you that information regarding the location of a dragon orb ripped you off.
376) And no, it isn't worth investigating "just in case."
377) Halflings and gnomes in Eberron are not to be played simply for comic relief.
378) Otter shifters named "Mudge" will be feathered with arrows on sight, just on general principle.
379) As will "Jon-Tom," his human bard companion.
380) And any oracle pigs brought on board will be butchered for bacon & ham.
381) Refering to Cyrans as having "Gulf War Syndrome" is very uncouth, and will not be tolerated.
382) Even if you and I WERE both there.
383) You will not attempt, under any circumstances, to pay a hoard of homeless bums a few cp each to follow you around and 'overbear' any opponents you yourself cannot defeat.
384) Even though that is really funny.
385) Nor will you refer to me as "B.A." simply because I will not allow you to do any of the 384 things that come before this rule.
386. If we successfully steal a submarine, we will not paint it yellow.
387. Dreamlilly is not known as pot in other worlds.
388. We are already the most wanted group in all of Eberron. Do not attempt to place bets on who can get their bounties up higher.
389. You will not humiliate guardsmen...
390. Unless they really have it coming.
391. Wayne Brady does not have to choke a ho.
392. Nor do you.
393. It is inappropriate to ho out the Catgi...err shifter.
394. If you do then do not put her in a diamond studded collar.
395. Even if she really likes it.
396. ESPECIALLY do not attach a leash to it.
397. Aundair is the nation of Magicians, Artists, and Intrigue, not the land of "Frog's legs eating surrender monkeys."
398. Morgaive University is not to be referred to as "Miskatonic University."
399. Even if it has a copy of the Necronomicron in it's library and an abnormally high rate of doomed expeditions into the unameable reaches.
400. I will not feed warforged screws, nuts, and bolts at dinner time.
401. The warforged is not to refer to me or any other human as "meatbags"
402. Dragons will never be referred to as "Puff."
403. Nor will you offer them maidens as a sacrifice.
404. Especially not female crew members who won't put out.
405. I will not attempt to graft warforged parts onto my body and ask to use the Rules of Shadowrun for this.
406. I will not pretend Mage the Ascension rules is optional for D&D.
407. Or Exalted.
408. I am not Captain Harlock nor am I the Rubber Band character from One Piece.
409. Any attempt to test this will result in walking the plank.
410. Which is not a metaphor for homosexuality.
411. The Plank is not a diving board.
412. Nor can you have the shifter girl use a lifeboat to turn tricks...
413. Or call it "Inara's shuttle"
414. The ship's library is not to be emptied and replaced with nothing but porno and Ann Rand.
415. Even if that would change nothing.
416. When fighting the Lord of Blades you will NOT sing "You've got the Touch"
417. Dare to be stupid is appropriate.
418. As pirate, we find talking like a pirate day to be unnecessary.
419. Especially just to make conversations incomprehensible.
420. Marish the Shifter Girl is to be reminded her race is terrifying and feral, not cute and fuzzy.
420. Despite its bad attiude, the druid's Awakend Horrid Rat is NOT named Foamy.
421. If a skiff crashes in a city, we arent going after it. This aint "Air Ship Down".
422. Thou shalt NOT repel boarders with Alchemists Fire.
423. We dont make bombing runs with "Bigby's Crushing Tactical Nuke".
424. Unless we have a pool going as to who can get the closest to the target.
425. A Karnnathi Skeleton or Zombie is not a Deadite.
426. You are not allowed to send Arawai a Mother's Day card, signed "The Fury".
427. The proper way to repair a warforged does not involve an Erector set.
428. The warforged is not on this ship to sell drinks.
429. We dont know the way to San Jose.
430. Dont call the shifter to a meal by shouting "HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY."
431. Even if he asks you to.
432. Dont use Alter Self to get at King Kaius' harem.
433. Ever.
434. Using Prestidigation to paint some one hot pink while they sleep is tacky.
435. Funny, but tacky.
436. The Deck of Many things isnt to be used for a game of poker.
437. Or blackjack.
438. Or Baccarat.
439. Or Old Maid.
440. When given an order by the captain, the correct response is 'Yes, sir.' Not 'sez you.'
441. We dont deliver pizza in 30 minutes or less.
442. In Eberron, killing them because they are goblins is not encouraged...
443. Even if the vast majority of them are still evil.
444. Flumphs do not attach themselves to people's faces and lay their eggs until they burst out of a person's chest...
445. Even if that would make them a much better creature.
446. Singing I like Darguneese to the tune of "I like Chinese" will not win you friends.
447. No you CANNOT outdrink the dwarf...
448. Do not refer to Boranal as Azoun, Arthur, or Aragorn.
449. No Erandis D'Vol is not Fistdantilius' daughter or Skeletor's sister or the girl from the Corpse bride.
450. Stop spreading rumors that Merrix D'Cannith runs a chocolate factory with a Xen'drick orange gnome race and that you can get in by finding golden tickets hidden worldwide.
451. Marish the shifter girl cat is not McDonalds, no matter how many she's served.
452. Do not refer to Henchmen crew as "Red Shirts"
453. Do not play Taps when we're exiting the ship with the Henchmen crew just recruited.
454. We have a high enough fatality rate as it is, do not PK because you're having a really bad day at work and we've got a cleric with raise dead finally.
455. Alf is not our god nor is Long John Silvers our Temple. I don't even want to know how you came up with that link.
456. On a related note, Optimus Prime is not the warforged god and it is wrong to tell them so.
457. I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts, though I may kill you today
458 through 460. NO you cannot invent Gunpowder!
461. Singing "The Bare Necessities" is not a good way to endear yourself to a subsistence living Bugbear tribe.
462. Crew members Raistlin Majere, Drizzt Do'Urden, Kenshin Himora, and any variations on these above will be forced to fight to the death in a battle royal
463. And the winner's killed.
464. You are not allowed to use a halfling to go 'Dino fishing'.
465. You are not allowed to use a Fireball to go Dino giggin'.
466. The party cleric is not "Dr. Feelgood."
467. You are not allowed to ho out the shifter girl for 5 sp per trick.
467. Its 10 gp per trick.
468. You are not dating the Daughters of Sora Kell.
469. Erandis d'Vol is not to be refered to as "Lichie Lich".
470. Or "That dried up old Lich."
471. You are not allowed to train an army of kobolds and name them "Tuckers Kobolds".
471. Even if your name IS Tucker.
472. The warforged juggernaut is NOT the ships anchor.
473. Nor is he the airships 'emergency brake'.
474. Fnord does not exist
465) Getting the bard to play the Star War's theme and begging the cleric to tell you to "use the force" while you magic missle the portholes of enemy ships is expressly forbiden.
466) Suggesting to the captain that he aquire a regiment of Karnnathi dead for use as marines and rechristen the "Forgotten Freedom" the "Black Pearl" merits being marooned with a hand cross bow and one bolt on the Ring of Syberys.
467) Bards inclined to perform Wagner's "the Ride of the Valkiries" durring strafing runs will be sent below decks forthwith
468) Questioning Khalashtar crew members as to how "Harvy" is doing, wether or not they had a "prodigal room-mate" in college, or making any references to the possibility of their entire race being a bunch of paranoid
schizophrenics is frowned upon....even though its so true.
469) Use of divinations to see what Pontif Jeala is going to look like when she hits puberty is forbiden unless the rest of the crew is invited to see a well.
470. "Cause we're pirates!" is not an excuse for any action I choose to do.
471. I do not fear a crocodile that took my hand.
472. The first mate is not to be referred to as Smee.
472. My mortal enemy is not Peter Pan.
473. We will not ask the artificer to build a laser sword with guns on it that shoots other swords.
474. If we did, I would own it.
475. Shooting a man in the face because he asked for my identification is not an acceptable response...
476. Especially when we paid for fake IDs.
477. Queen Aurala is not the villainess in the movie "Willow."
478. No referring to the Engine Room chief as "Scotty"
479. Even if he is from the part of Breland they wear kilts in.
480. Pirates cannot survive falls of a million feet because we're Pirates and thus awesome.
481. It is wrong to test this on others.
482, It is wrong to put on a hockeymask and take a machete to chase co-eds around Lakes or Universities.
483. I don't care if you were really drunk when you did it.
484. Being a shapechanged druid does not give you permission to hump people's legs.
485. Or any other part of their body.
486. There are no crocodiles in the sewers of Sharn.
487. It is wrong to add them.
488. We do not have phasers or photon torpedoes.
489. Prince Jurian will not be "hoisted by his own petard" whenever we find him.
490. The proper response for disobediance from the shifter is bread and water at meal times, not spanking.
491. Illithids do not worship "Great Cthulhu."
492. When attacking a Riedran Stronghold guarded by Beholders, Elementalists, and Martial Artists...we do not do our best to act out Big Trouble From Little China.
493. There is not only one true God whose name is Keith Baker.
494. It is wrong to tell Worshippers of the Silver Flame that they worship a bunch of dead feathered snakes.
495. Rakashasas are not to be referred to as "Tony"
496. Vengeance from the Boramar clan does not take the form of a Fish being deliverered in the coat of an enemy.
497. You are not going to convince the head of the Boramar clan that he needs you as a psychiatrist.
498. It is wrong to use suggestion to convince Prince Oargev he's gay.
499. Umbargen will not be referred to as "the shrill voiced drow wannabes."
500. The Keep on the Borderlands is not Little nor is it inhabited by a bunch of wholesome homesteaders
501. Theres no such thing as Gnome Gninjas
502. Even if there were, the extra silent "G" doesn't make them any more deadly
503. We will not christen our next airship any of the following:
The Hindenberg
The Titanic
Fireball XL5
Prometheus
Daedelus
Definitely not Icarus
Any numeral preceeded by any variation on the word 'Thunderbird'
Laputa
Cloudbase
Aundair Force One
505: The Kalashtar Soulknife is not a jedi.
506: You will not use Unseen Servant in that manner. I don't care if it feels nice.
507: Kalashtar do not have a little angel and/or a little devil on their shoulder.
508: The Burning Ring is not your personal sandbox.
509: No, you cannot call LoB "Ah-nold, the Governator". It would inflate his ego.
510: You shall not call Clevis the Kalashtar Soulknife "Cleavage".
511: Even if I made it up.
512: Prince Oargev is not Aragorn.
513:The Skyway is not Laputa.
514: The warforged is forbidden to complain that because he can't get drunk, high, or laid, he has nothing to do at night.
515: The warforged is not just a garbage can with sparks coming out of it.
516: And the sparks do not keep him warm.
517: The handshake will not be replaced by the "skullpunch" no matter how much you want it to be.
518: The changeling is forbidden to be alone with a full length mirror.
519: Not all bridges of Sharn cast Featherfall, and leaping over the sides of each is not a good method to determine which do.
520: Wrapping an unconscious hostage in a cloak will do little to dissuade suspicion when you march through Morgrave with him over your shoulder.
559. I will not use the pyromancers wands to perform a drum solo.
560. I will evenly divy up the loot from the badguys. Unless someone is bigger/has a bigger weapon then me.
561. Then he gets everything.
562. The warforged was not built by 'Cyberdyne'.
563. I will not drag race the air ship.
564. Especially if Im drunk.
565. I will not outfit the airship with nitrous.
566. Or 'spinners'.
567. The airship will not time warp at 88 miles per hour, and I should not try to make it do so.
560. If the Captain should say "Make It So" or "Engage" before heading out, or if he should stand up and tug his shirt down with both hands, he shall be punished by being hoist on his own Picard.
569. Davy Jones' Locker is not the closet of a member of the Monkees.
570. Nor is that Davy Jones a pirate.
571. Keith Baker is not a character in Eberron nor would he be a huge sexual dynamo old man wizard.
572. Half Elves are not to be referred to as the Diet Rum of Elfdom.
573. Nor are they to be called Tanis.
574. Eberron does not have gaitlin guns, pistols, machine guns, cannons, artillery, or nukes.
575. If it did have Nukes, we would probably go for a much more small-scale weapon in our weapon's runs.
576. Droam is not a Dungeon.
577. We do not go to Droam for 'Level Up'
578. The best response for Droam is not "Hack n' Slash all night long."
579. We do not start conversations with NPCs with the words "How much EXP are you worth?"
580. Mordain Fleshweaver is not to be asked if he can give you a tattoo.
581. Or give you bigger boobs or other extremities.
582. We'll drop the "official list" at 1001 and keep adding on for fun....again if no one else wants to take it over (I can't update again because I'm webpage illiterate)
583. He cannot make you look like an anime character.
584. You do not look like an anime character already.
585. Mordain Fleshweaver is not to be treated like a plastic surgeon at all.
586. Nor are Daelkyr.
587. Time Machines cannot be built in Eberron.
588. If they could be, they would not be used to go into the future to get energy weapons.
589. Or to go hang out with robots.
590. Or to play Shadowrun
591. The Shadow Marches are not Mordor.
592. Nor does the Shadow live there next to a volcano you can defeat him by throwing his ring into it.
593. Do not refer to Half-Orcs as Urak-Hai.
594. Do not refer to Half-Orcs as "It's a damn pity that someone crazzaped on your face...oh that is your face?"
595. House Cannith will not be referred to as Enron.
596. House Deneith will not be referred to as Rent-a-Cop
597. House Lysander will not be referred to as Delta
598. House Jorasco will not be referred to as Saint Elsewere
599. House Phiarlan and House Thuranni will not be referred to as Dark and Darkerer
600. House Vol was not the Addam's Family
602. The Age of Worms will not be a time of great food poisoning.
603. The Ebon Triad is not a black rock band.
604. All Aurala needs is not "a little loving" to decide to give peace a chance.
605. We will NOT refer to the city of Thronehold as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy."
606. Or Sharn.
607. The Prime Minister of Breland will not be referred to as "Senator Palpatine."
608. Or Supreme Chancellor Palpatine.
609. We will not expect him to dissolve the council permanently when Boranal dies.
610. Even if the Rebellion continues to gain support in the Senate.
611. That is not why Merrix is building a laser on the moon...or as he calls it..his "Death Star"
612. This is not Star Wars and the Lord of Blades is not your character's rebuilt father.
613. Nor will the Lord of Blades become the Prime Minister's chief enforcer after he declares himself Emperor.
614. You cannot blow up the Moon of Eberron by firing a fireball into it's thermal exhaust port, right above the main port.
615. You cannot build a airskiff that resembles an X-wing.
616. Jaela will not be pronounced Jaina nor does she have a brother named Jacen.
617. We will not refer to the ship as an abbatoir
618. No matter how many crew have died.
619. Argonessan is not an Epic Level Dungeon.
620. Or an Epic Level Campaign setting.
621. Delayed blast Fireball will not be referred to as the Dragonslave.
622. Your flaming sword is not the Sword of Light.
623. You are not the Slayers or the redheaded small busted female magic user Lina Inverse
624. No matter how many people you kill.
625. You will not steal Pontiff Jaela's carriage.
626. Nor is it to be referred to as her Popemobile.
627. Pontiff Jaela will not bring about a Cataclysm by challenging the gods, you're just using that as a justification to kidnap her.
628. We do not "parlay" with prisoners.
629. ...especially not for sexual favors.
630. Even if they are hot.
631. There is no such thing as a Pirate's Code.
632. Nor should there be,
633. Even if they are more guidelines.
634. Valenar is not currently being menaced by Ganondorf Dragmire.
635. Nor do they have a Triforce we should assemble.
636. And their Princess is not named Zelda.
637. Xen'drick is an island of mystery and wonders, it is not a place that is the dumping ground for everything that doesn't fit in the rest of the setting.
638. Queen Aurala is not Kate Blanchett.
639. Even if that would make you like her more.
640. The Drow Trilogy of Modules cannot be played by simply substituting Queen Aurala as the secret goddess of the Umbargen.
641. Into the Barrier Peaks will never be played ANYWHERE in Eberron.
642. The module Castle Ravenloft is not how King Kaius became a vampire nor is he after a girl named Tatyana.
643. Just because they are in the Constellations exist does not mean that the Dragon Triad is the same as the gods of Dragonlance or even the Forgotten Realms.
644. The Estoeric Order of Aurreon is not to be referred to as "The Poor Man's Order of High Sorcery."
645. They are not the Masons either.
646. Riedra is not the 'most boringest' place on Eberron.
647. Nor does Walt Disney rule it.
648. The secret ingrediant to making warforged is not PEOPLE.
649. It is wrong to tell warforged this.
650. he Aristocrats is not an example of Aerenal Humor
651. It is wrong to tell Warforged this.
652. Valenar Warhorses are not fed People either as the secret to producing them.
653. It is wrong to tell Karrnathians this.
654. Dragon's blood is not to be slipped into King Boranal's drink during a state dinner.
655. If the female captive refuses to dine with the Captain, she will not dine with the crew naked.
656. No matter how the crew wants it.
657. If the Forgotten Freedom crashes on an island, we will not have Kate from Lost with us and whacky adventures as we explore the island. We will just most likely starve and or escape.
658. Merrix D'Cannith doesn't have a brother named Doctor Moreau who works with Broken Ones.
659. Khyber is not an Epic Level Dungeon.
670. Nor can we make huge amounts of EXP by just collapsing the rocks on it.
671. Lizardmen are not Voodoo worshipping Creole.
672. A human sacrifice is not the proper way to appease Kol Korran.
673. Dol Dorn is not "like Dol Arrah" except badass and honorless and a guy.
674. The King's Citadel does not have a secret enemy in SD-6 that is helped against by half-elf Sydney Bristow.
675. Nor can I play this character.
676. It is wrong to tell Warforged that he was built by a Doctor Light and he can gain the abilities of warforged he kills that were constructed by Doctor Wily.
677. Prince Adal is not a transvestite and we will not return him to Queen Aurala in a dress...in public.
678. I/we/you will not use the "213 Things That Skippy Is Not Allowed To Do" as a guideline for annoying others.
679. Exceptions will be made on a case-by-case basis when I will personally find it to be funny.
680. For the last time, NONE of us are Batman.
681. I have not yet decided if it is wrong to tell Warforged this.
683 Nor will we use it to run an express deliver service for a senile researcher in Sharn.
683. The ancient orcish shaman who tells you to leave those ruins alone is not doing that because, "he's got something totally sweet stashed in there."
684. You don't get to rough him up, kill him, or otherwise incapacitate him and go look...
684 (a). ...unless and until I see some manner of documented proof of your ability to perform exorcisms and/or banishments. The real kind. No more waving your arms and shouting "ooga booga."
685. Just because the cleric heals you doesnt mean he likes you.
687. All warforged repair kits lack Duct Tape, and are therefore worthless.
688. "I wish [the captain, the first officer, the bad guy, the DM] would shut up." is a waste of a Wish spell, and will get you keel hauled.
689. Halflings are not all named Gollum.
690. Short shifters are not Ewoks.
691. Tall shifters are not Wookies.
692. Wizards and sorcerers will not cast Polymorph spells with the words "Form of..." or "Shape of..."
693. Sharn is not an airship obstacle course.
694. The Awakend oak tree, Oalian, is not to be refered to as 'Woody'.
695. You are not authorized to sell loggging permits for the Eldeen Reaches.
696. Whether Warforged have souls is irrelevant, stop trying to sell them one.
697. You do not kick ass for the lord. No, not even the paladin.
698. A Tarrasque on the loose can not be solved by, "Summoning Mothra."
699. Stop handing out religious tracts with explosive runes inside
700. You sell them, material components don't grow on trees.
  • Current Music
    "faint" linkin park
iDon

(no subject)

if you read this journal, I FUCKING WANT YOU TO FUCKING COMMENT!!!!!! I WANT TO KNOW IF ANYONE ON THE INTERNETS READS MY JOURNAL. IF YOU READ THIS JOURNAL AND DO NOT POST A FUCKING COMMENT, MAY YOUR GENITALS WITHER INTO DUST AND YOUR PARENTS DIE A HORRIBLE AND PAINFUL DEATH. EVERYTHIME YOU READ THIS JOURNAL AND DON'T POST A COMMENT, THE WORLD KILLS A KITTEN. PLEASE, THINK OF THE KITTENS. EVERYTIME YOU DON'T POST A COMMENT ON A LITTLE JOURNAL LIKE THIS, GOD KILLS A HENTAI SITE. PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE THE /U/ BOARD ON 4CHAN
iDon

more zombie posts

I kind of got inspired from the last post about zombies. i also have a book called "the zombie survival guide", which details the four types of zombie outbreak. here is what they are.

class one: A class one outbreak is usually an outbreak of zombies in a rural area in a first world country or a large outbreak in a third world country. this kind of outbreak is rarely publisised or a passing reference in the news (something like "a rebel uprising in a thirdworld country was quashed by the military") the number of zombies number one to twenty. usually, a class one outbreak can be handled by a group of civilans armed with farm implements.(usually things like scythes, pitchforks and "protection-only" shotguns

class two: a class two outbreak is a larger outbreak of the fleshtide than a class one, this time, in a densly populated rural area. the number of zombies number from 20 to 100. this is where the military start to get involved. if the media is present, the military will doctor the footage to all buggery

class three: a class three outbreak shows us normal people how devestating a fleshtide is. zombie numbers range in the thousands. media blackouts are impossible at this level, as there are too many eyewitnesses. this is where the special units start acting. the duration of this is about 4 to seven months. civilans are advised to stay inside and not answer the door.

class four (AKA doomsday): pray that we never get to  a class four outbreak. this kind of outbreak is where the fleshtide outnumbers the living. this is the kind of outbreak shown in 28 days later. there is no media blackout because there is no media to report it. every living person will be running and hiding.


more techniques for destroying zombies

poison: zombies have no weakness to poison, don't even bother

flamethrower: this is every mans dream, to wade into the fleshtide, armed with a flamethrower. there are any problems with this dream. first off, flamethrowers are illegal for citizens to own. second, if the fleshtide is so severe that a flamethrower is required, the military will be there, leaving the lone hero out of a job, third, flamethrowers are heavy and use special fuel. if you really want to use a flamethrower, use a spraycan and a lighter. the fuel for a flamethrower ceased to be made in the 1970s, when they became illegal for citizens.

holy water, garlic, holy symbols: are you kidding? zombies are not created from black magic rituals, so they would not be repelled by these things. blame hollywood

faith in god: impossible. as stated above, zombies are not created by black magic. blame D&D for this

shaolin spade:  the best weapon for the specialist to use against the fleshtide. a shaolin spade has a bellshaped blade on one end and a cresent shaped blade on the other. merely spinning it around anything living decapitates it. the only problem is that there are only replicas available to the common man.

Katanas: the ever trusty katana. also known as a hand and a half sword, the katana allows the user to decapitate things very easily. like the shaolin spade, the only problem is that only replicas are available to the common man.

equipment

close combat weapon:  every zombie hunter needs a close combat weapon. avoid weapons that rely on peircing, like a rapier. these weapons are only good if you can drive it through bone into the brain. maces and other blugdeoning weapons are alright, as long as you can lift the things and carry them for long amounts of time. slicing weapons are the preferred weapon of zombie hunters, as they can decapitate zombies easily.

ranged weapons: go for a shotgun. carry plenty of shells. blast the motherfuckers in the face.

food: carry non perishable food with you. eat only that or food you have seen where it comes from. in the case of a class four outbreak, grow your own food.

maintainance: always carry things that can maintain your weapons. an ill cared for weapon can fail you while in the middle of a fleshtide.
  • Current Music
    "in the end" linkin park